Updates from Baby Shower Website

June 29, 2010 (Week 37)

UPDATE:

   I am a free woman!  I was officially taken off of bed rest last week and am officially full term now.  Only 3 weeks till my due date...if I make it that long.  Chances are I'll go right on past it!  OY.  Either way I'm happy that baby and I have made it this far.  Thank you Jesus!  Last appointment I was 60% effaced, -2.  No dilation yet.  My prayer is that my body will be able to progress on its own with no intervention.   I'm still a little ways off, but it'll go really fast.  Baby is doing GREAT!  I feel great myself.   With the exception of minor swelling in my right ankle (that has now gone away since the weather has been a little cooler) I have had zero problems at all!  I do have the minor pregnancy ailments like back pain and cramping, but that's to be expected at this point.  I am extremely thankful for how well everything has been going!   Now it's just a waiting game.  Luckily I can do more now that I'm off bed rest...but somehow time seems to be going a lot slower now since I'm free.  LOL, I think it's the anticipation.    Unless anything arises, my next update will probably be the birth announcement!  YAY
!

June 15, 2010 (Week 35)

Week 35!!  Only 5 more to go.   Not much to update here.  Baby is doing well and getting big....and so am I!  This should be my very last week of bed rest....WAHOOO!!!!!  I'm looking forward to getting some last minute things done before baby arrives.  Hope I don't forget anything.  I've been trying to make lists...but end up getting bored or falling asleep half way through the process.  lol  Our next prenatal appointment is on Monday.  I will be discussing pediatricians with my doctor.  I have to figure out what's what with my insurance, also.  *snooooore*  I'm exhausted just thinking about all the little things I need to get done!  

Anywho, still having contractions, which seem to be getting more and more uncomfortable as baby gets bigger.  All in all, however, I think I'm feeling pretty good considering.   I'M ALMOST DONE!!!  Can't wait to meet the baby.  This has been a crazy last 8 months.  I am thankful.

 

June 2, 2010 (Week 33)

  As of yesterday I can officially say that the baby is due next month!!  Very exciting to think about.   I can't think of any better way to celebrate that thought than sitting down with a big, hot bowl of tomato soup and writing an update!  

UPDATE:

   The last month and a half have gone by so fast, even being on bed rest!  I've been finding ways to keep myself busy without overdoing it.  So far I've mastered the art of sitting on my butt and staring at a computer screen, snuggling with bunnies, waiting, daydreaming, overthinking, eating, and sleeping.    Haha!  I really do appreciate this time God has given me to sit in the quiet and reflect and think.  It's like a little time to take a deep breath before plunging head-long into parenthood.  Life will never be the same.  I'm excited for that!  It was the same way when I got married.  I just kept thinking that my life would never be the same, but when it came down to it the transition from single-life to married-life was quite natural.  I believe it will be the same with parenthood.  I won't know everything about being a mom, like I didn't know everything about marriage when I got married.  However, giving myself grace, my husband grace, our kid grace, etc.  will really help us all learn together!  My baby has never been born before, never grown up, never been a kid...I've never been a mommy before and Donnie's never been a daddy!  SO, we're just going to learn together, laugh together, cry together, and figure it out as we go.  These are the kind of adventures I enjoy the most.

My last visit to the doctor on Thursday went very well.  Doctor believes I have a very sensitive uterus, thus easily irritated into contractions by movements and stress.  My bed rest and meds (which I really don't take unless I just can't manage the contractions with rest) have been extended for one more month from Thursday.  (36 1/2 weeks)  Then I'm home free!  No more meds, no more craziness.  Just letting it all happen as it will.  I'm getting excited for the birth.  I have so much information in my head and still have no idea what to expect!  Every birth story is completely unique and I am looking forward to seeing how this one unfolds!
 

May 26, 2010 (Week 32)

UPDATE:

  So far nothing interesting to report.  Yay!  That means baby is doing well and so am I!  My next appointment is tomorrow.  I anticipate that everything at that visit will be normal.   Only 8 weeks until the due date and I am so excited!  My mind is flooded with every emotion in the book.  I can't wait to meet my little sweetie and just enjoy this experience.  My attempt to remain completely calm and not let myself get overwhelmed at the thought of it all has been in vain.  However, as I pray and remember how the Lord set all these things in motion from the beginning, I am completely comforted.  I know that He will be with me and baby through this whole thing.  As long as He is with me, I know everything will be just as it should be.  I need not fret or over-think.  Just rest in Jesus and wait for Him to bring this baby into the world.  I have a problem forgetting who is really in control.  I've tried so hard to control this whole birth thing and all it's caused me was more stress than is necessary.  I have forgotten that all I need to do is to " Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  Ahhh, it's so easy.  I just forget.    So, I am looking forward to enjoying the rest of this pregnancy in peace knowing the Lord is in control.
 

May 14, 2010 (Week30)

UPDATE:

  Not much to report, which I think is a good thing!  Contractions have seemed to slow down a bit, but kick up here and there if I'm a bit too active.  I try to stay confined to the couch and bed as much as possible, however laying down for so long tends to make me achey.  So I try to get up and do some very mild activities, like sitting on the porch, or at the dinner table until my body decides it's time to lay back down. (Sometimes I get a little too ambitious and try to do more than I should. I know, shame on me.)  My next appointment is on May 20th. 

I went in yesterday for a quick blood draw due to a possible exposure to Fifths Disease at the preschool prior to me being put on bed rest.  I will find out the results on Monday.  I'm not too worried about it since most complications from Fifths in pregnancies occur in the first trimester, however I am glad I called my doctor and that she is taking the proper precautions.  Today I'm 30 weeks and 4 days.  Not long ago we didn't think I'd even make it this far.  I'm thankful for every day I get to be pregnant because I know it's the best thing for the baby.  However, I'm still totally pscyhed for this to all be over and to not be pregnant anymore!    Ugh.  Looking forward to holding the baby, learning to nurse, and well, learning in general.  Life is an adventure where every day is full of new experiences!  

May 4, 2010 (Week 29)

Here's another update for everyone

UPDATE:

   Yesterday I went in for my follow up after having received the last of my steroid shots.  Contractions were pretty strong, but irregular.  My doctor extended my bed rest through the end of my pregnancy, so I will be unable to go back to work.  I've been placed on suppression for the rest of my pregnancy in order to prevent any infections. (All this means is that I'll be on a low dose of antibiotics until delivery.)  Now that I have the steroids in me, the doctors say they don't have to be as aggressive with stopping the contractions.  Of course the goal is still to keep the baby in there as long as possible.   For now I will remain on bed rest and wait to see what my body will do.  Today has been great.  Contractions are far apart, irregular, and not nearly as strong.  I think the longer I'm on bed rest and not jumping back and forth from labor and delivery, home, and the doctor's office that everything should calm down a bit.  Baby is doing GREAT!!  Next appointment is May 20th, unless something should change and I have to go in sooner.  Love to all!  

May 1, 2010 (Week 28...still)

Another update for anyone reading these

UPDATE:  Yesterday was my doc appointment where I was re-evaluated for my bed rest.  She extended my bed rest until at least May 6th, when I will go in for my next evaluation and...the dreaded glucose test.  UGH!! :/  As of my appointment yesterday my cervix was closed, but in mid position.  Had no idea what that meant so I googled.  Now I'm informed.  After the appointment she immediately sent me over to get an ultrasound to check baby's growth and take a closer look at my cervix.  (Will hear probably monday, but Tech said that the baby is growing nicely!)  After that Dr. Crawford had me go back to the labor and delivery department to receive my first of 2 steroid shots over a 24 hour period.  This will speed up the baby's lung development incase of a premature delivery.  Doc said she is really nervous as to where this is going and wants to take as many precautionary steps as she can since the medication I've been receiving isn't stopping the contractions.  Going back in today for my second shot.  Will update soon.  Love to all!

April 28, 2010 (Week 28)

SO, here's another update.  I don't know if anyone is reading these, but either way it's a good way to log some stuff down.

UPDATE:  Over this last weekend I was in the hospital with contractions...again.  This time I was admitted.  They gave me another shot in the back of my arm to stop them and then 20 mg of Nifedipine.  Horror.  This stuff makes me shake uncontrollably and gives me a horrible headache.  Anyway, they hooked me up to an IV since the medication wasn't working and drew some blood.  Found my white blood cell count to be really high and my potassium  low.  After some IV fluids, antibiotics, and potassium they decided to keep me over night to monitor the contractions.  The constant rest did help, but as soon as I started motoring around they seemed to kick up again.  Once they released me I went home on bedrest until the next day when I could see my doctor.  Contractions were at their worst and my doctor put me on strict bed rest until she could see me again on Friday, April 30.  So here I sit, contractions and all.  I admit it's been a bit emotionally hard to be completely useless and bed/couch ridden.  I am glad, however, that they are doing all they can to ensure the health and safety of our little bug.  As of Monday I was still not dilated, thank God!!  We will see what this next appointment has to bring.  Luckily this will all be short lived and we can move on once the baby is born.  I'm praying that he/she'll hold on at least until 35 weeks so I can give birth at my hospital with all the incredible nurses and doctors there.  They were all angels and are taking amazing care of me!   Love to all
!

April 22, 2010 (Week 27)

Hello all!  So...here's the latest.

Update:  Everything has been going beautifully!  I would like to update you on a few things, however.  Two nights ago, April 20th, I noticed the baby wasn't moving as vigorously as he/she normally does.  I didn't wan't to freak myself out, so I just prayed an asked for some good swift kicks in the tummy.  I got a couple small, weak kicks.  I was starting to get a little nervous, but decided to go to sleep.  The next morning I got up and went to work as usual.  By the end of my shift I still had only felt the baby kick 3 times and decided to call my advice nurse at my docs.  She advised me to go into the birth center right away for a monitoring.  Went over to the birth center and got all hooked up on the monitors (had the most wonderful nursing staff ever!) and of course the baby started dancing around and having a good ol' time!    I was so happy the baby was good and was probably just in a weird position up to that point.  My nurse came in and said, "Baby is doing beautifully!  But, um, you're having contractions every 2-3 minutes."  I knew I was having contractions, but since they didn't hurt I didn't pay any attention to them.  I've been having Braxton-Hicks for a while (weeks and weeks) now and just thought it was normal.  I did notice that the last couple days they were a lot stronger though, but again since they didn't hurt I didn't worry about them.  So, they monitored me for a while and called the doctor.  The doctor had the nurse give me a little shot in the back of the arm that calms all the smooth muscles in my body, including my uterus.  This medication does not affect baby.  The medication made me super shaky, but calmed the contractions down a lot.  After some other testing they concluded that I was not in preterm labor (thank you Lord) but did have a bad UTI (something that I just can't aparently kick during this pregnancy) and that they needed to get that under control to stop the contractions.  SO, as of now I'm on antibiotics.  If, after 24 hours, the contractions haven't slowed down significantly it will be back to the birth center for me.  I'm feeling great!  Contractions aren't painful and hardly bothersom, but strong.  Not dialated.  Yay!  I will keep everyone updated! 

P.S.  I really believe the Lord caused the decreased fetal movement in order to get me to be seen because without that sparking my attention I would've never went in to find out I was having contractions.  If this wasn't taken care of it could've very easily led to preterm labor.  We have a good God  He knows just how to get my attention!

April 16, 2010 (26th week)

Hello to everyone visiting my Online Baby Shower!  I want to thank my sister and my mom for their creative inspiration and for helping make this an extra wonderful experience.  I'm so excited to be able to share this with all my far away friends and family. I look forward to keeping you updated via this blog page.  Thanks for visiting and celebrating our little miracle with us!

Update:

Since this is the first update I will take this opportunity to give you a little information on what's going on here with us.  Aside from a little head cold I have right now, everything so far is WONDERFUL!  I'm nearly in my third trimester (Starts April 19th) and feel terrific.  I know the third trimester tends to be a rough go as the end gets nearer, but I'm confident that the Lord will strengthen me (as He does all mommies) to get through it with joy.

We are both getting really excited to meet our new baby and to learn all about him/her.  A whole new person is being added to this world and that's such an exciting thought!  Can't wait to watch his/her personality develop and grow.  A lot of learning ahead and that excites me! Occasionally the harsh reality of impending parenthood sets in and gets me a little emotional (lol, I'm going to blame it on all the wonderful hormones I'm producing) but I'm so incredibly thankful for Donnie because through this whole thing he has been completely stable and strong.  What a true blessing to have a man like that be my husband and the father of my baby.  Thank you Lord!

My last doctor appointment (April 8) went very well.  My doctor has been very thorough with addressing my concerns, since I have a lot of them being a first timer and all.  She did test me for preterm labor and everything turned out wonderful.  Baby is completely healthy and no concerns have come up from my doc.  I am, again, truly thankful for being able to experience such a smooth, healthy pregnancy! 

Baby has been super active!  Never could've imagined the sensation of being dropkicked in the bellybutton from the inside!  It's both weird and exhilarating.  Currently the baby has decided to take up night-time jazz practice in there (I could only assume, since that seems to be his/her most active time along with any other time I try to take a rest!)  I just giggle and appreciate the bit of preparation for all the sleepless nights and exhaustion that await me. 

In preparation for our little bug we have already aquired some wonderful, used baby stuff.  So far we have purchased our stroller, car seat, swing, high chair (for later) bassinet, a few baby clothes, a baby carrier, and a crib with bedding (thanks to my mommy).  I am so thankful for all the Lord has done. 

I will try to keep you posted as much as possible.  Next doctor appointment is on May 8th.  Looking forward to the rest of this journey!  

21w5d :)

Gonna be a mama

Wow. So, 3 months later I actually blog again. Sorry Crystal for my lack of discipline with the whole blogging thing. I'm such a slacker! Haha! Anywho, I have plenty to write about but have no idea how in the world I'm going to get it all out in an organized, comprehensible manner. I'll just blog and you read. Give me some grace. :)

So, I'm gonna be a mama. Freakin' excited to the core! I've realized a lot over the last few months. The Lord has been blessing me so much with little tid-bits of lovin' from Heaven. He speaks to my heart in some way just about every day reminding me that all I need is Him. He is so patient with me. I love it. Realized that I have this crazy tendency to over prepare myself for situations that never happen, over think about situations that may never happen, and develop all sorts of retarded expectations that only prove to stress me out and keep me from enjoying the every day blessings the Lord has for me. I use to be an extremely religious person. This religiosity really kept me from every experiencing the peace, joy, comfort, and freedom (the list goes on and on) that I always read about in the Bible and heard in testimonies of other Christians. I always tried to put this face of happiness on but inside I knew it was all fake. It took the Lord a long time to break through and help me realized that I was just trying way too hard at life. Though I "knew" that I didn't have to earn God's love, something inside of me just felt compelled to do things for God in order to feel more worthy of His love. This all left me feeling more worthless and depressed. In reality, through all of my efforts trying to earn it I was telling God that I didn't need His Son or His atoning sacrifice because I could just work enough hours at church, teach the bible to enough kids, go on enough missions trips, sing enough songs, sacrifice enough desires, be holy enough, and bless enough people to earn my way into His heart and obtain my everlasting reward. Wow. I was such a Pharisee (and still can be). Did you know it's possible to know the Word of God and still not be changed? To know Jesus, but still not experience the depth of His love?! It was like I was stuck in this faux-understanding of God's love. I just thought way too highly of myself. LOL! Thank you Lord for setting me free. Sometimes it creeps in again, but the Lord is so faithful to speak to my heart...

So, I was sitting in a Thai restaurant with Donnie recently. I was telling him how I haven't felt that overwhelming sense of spontaneous praise and thankfulness in my heart toward the Lord, lately. (Something I started experiencing when I realized it's OK to be me and to let God be God. I'm not perfect!! Woohoo! I don't have to be. Freedom.) As I was talking about what was going on in my heart the Lord started speaking to me. He opened my eyes to realize that I started feeling burdened and my spirit had been overwhelmed the last few weeks. Why? Then I realized that it was when I started really over thinking the pregnancy, birth, and being a mommy. I realized I was stressed out about stuff like having to have a C-Section when I don't want one, gaining too much weight, gestational diabetes, how to not screw up our child, being successful at breastfeeding, etc. I started up with all these expectations and desires that I was starting to be unwilling to accept anything that differed from my idea of how things should turn out. I was feeling overwhelmed, frightened, and insecure. I could no longer enjoy my pregnancy because I was terrified of the next few months and what they'd hold. I was so over concerned with doing everything I could to prevent myself from having a C-Section so as to be able to experience a normal birth. Also, in addition I was concerned that if I didn't accomplish a normal birth that it would be more difficult to breastfeed, something I really, REALLY believe in and desire to do. I wanted to do everything as God-intended as possible (except the epidural....TOTALLY getting an epidural.) My mom and my sister both had C-Sections and didn't breastfeed (or at least not for long) and I felt that my fate had already been decided by their experiences so I was trying EXTRA hard to do everything I could to prevent that from happening. HOWEVER, one thing I've learned about the Lord is that when you let go, stop planning, and just ride this ride called life with the Lord as your lead then whatever comes around the corner will always, ALWAYS be better and more perfect for you than anything you could've planned or expected. I forgot, but God reminded me. I love Him. What if, just what if God has a wonderful plan that involves a C-Section?! Or, the Lord has a different parenting strategy, or my child has a totally wonderful, yet unexpected personality that I didn't plan for?! What blessings would I miss out on if I kept planning my way like it was mine to plan! This is what they must mean when they say, "Let go, and Let God."

So, I have determined through my understanding of our Father that the Lord intends for me to enjoy the blessing of this pregnancy and this baby, and life in general. I have to do nothing but stick with Him (something He told me from the very beginning) and to trust Him with it all and through it all. Every up and every down. I can only do my best. I can't do it all. Why make plans when the plans have already been made by the Lord? Why strive to live a life that God hasn't written in His book? When I get to live every day without my own expectations as to it's contents, I have found that my days are full of peace, joy, and the most wonderful adventures that could ever be expressed with words. This is the life I always want to live. Thanks to the Lord, He will always remind me of this because He doesn't want me to miss out on it either. What a great God.

Can't wait to be a mommy and to experience every single thing God has planned for me. All of it! Some will be fun and some painful but I don't care because it's all from my Jesus who loves me and therefore I know it will all be for good. SWEET.

Blah Blah Bloggin'

So, clearly I'm not a very consistent blogger, but I have good intentions. I've started 5 blogs since my last one but some where in the middle of them got struck with my new friend called pregnancy narcolepsy. Can't seem to keep my eyes open for more than a couple hours at a time and while I LOVE sleeping I can't help but find it annoying when I'm in the middle of "important" tasks and feel the need to lay down. (ie, doing dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, driving, etc.) Yikes! All a part of the wonderful enigma that is pregnancy, I'm sure. I enjoy the idea of being pregnant. However, the actual being pregnant is quite a bit different than I expected. For example, lets take my beloved companions called bowel distention, insomnia (ironically paired with my previously mentioned buddy of spontaneous napping), and frequent trips to the loo. For some reason all of my beautiful, glowing, previously pregnant mommy friends left out these joyous little pregnancy partners. :) Oh well! Like I said, I enjoy the idea of being pregnant.

Funny thing happened on Christmas morning. My mom had sent us some presents in the mail that we decided to open over Skype in order to get the "real" Christmas morning effect. She sent two packages, aside from the others. One package was labeled "Flick" and the other "Flicka." (We have decided not to find out the sex of the baby until the baby is born so as to enjoy the natural suspense of it all. We're like that.) Upon opening the presents I found three little boy onesies and two little girl outfits. Contrary to my expectation, I nearly passed out cold. Why? Good question. Until then I guess it hadn't quite sunk in that I was going to be a mom. You'd think the morning sickness and repeated ultrasounds would've clued me in by now. Nope. It was the extra laundry! HA! Holding those tiny little clothes and thinking how there's going to be a baby in them soon really knocked me for a loop. A MOM!? What in the world is going on here? I'm still a kid myself! How the heck can I raise a kid! I can't even keep up on the dishes, or the laundry, or the vacuuming! Holy cow. I just stared at the clothes, then at the computer, then back at the clothes. I felt so bad but I couldn't do much, what with the blood rushing out of my face. Oh geeze. How the heck am I going to pull this one off?! The next day Donnie and I decided to drive to the beach. It's been super sunny and beautiful here in the Pacific Northwest and since Donnie had 3 days off we decided to take advantage of it. On the way there I was quietly praying, casting my cares on Him because He cares for me. Then that still, small voice showed up. I LOVE it when He shows up! He quietly whispered in my ear, "Stay close to Me and it will all be ok." Wow. That really made me feel so much better knowing that all I have to do is stay close to Jesus and He will take care of everything. He's the Master Builder and I am His master plan. We know this baby belongs to Him and find comfort in knowing that He will equip us with everything we need to take care of him/her. Yay! Thank you Lord! Luckily, the Lord knows how much of a worry wart I can be and is always there to comfort my anxieties. Psalm 138.8. So, all in all it was a great Christmas!

Surprise, Bitter-Sweet Blessing

Here is a copy of an email I sent to a friend recently. It explains everything:)
Ok, here goes. I was in California from November 3-18. On the 4th I got such excruciating pain in my lower abdomen I really thought I was dying, Alyssa. I was in Santa Barbara at the time. The house on the ranch is pretty big and I was alone on the other side...had to crawl all the way across the house to get to Christine's room (Donnie's dad's girlfriend who helped me take care of grandma the last few months of her life) and bang on her door. It was about 1:30am. The pain subsided and I finally went back to sleep. It was still happening on the 6th when I got a phone call from Kay because we were planning on spending some time together while I was in Cali. I told her what was happening and she prayed over me. It was amazing because she prayed in the Spirit that God would fill my body with life. The next day I went to the Emergency Room and found out that I was barely...BARELY pregnant! (I must have conceived a week or so before leaving) After calling Donnie (of course) and the appropriate family members I called Kay. She was like, "WHOA!" and told me that after she prayed for me she had this crazy, deep sense that God had just done something amazing. After we had prayed the day before we sat on the phone completely silent together just soaking it up for a few minutes. God had done something awesome!
Anyway, the doctors were really worried that I had an ectopic pregnancy and was bleeding internally but since I was so early they couldn't find the baby on the ultrasound. They sent me home with pain medication and told me to go to my doctor or go back to the ER for more bloodwork to see if the pregnancy was advancing, or had died. I went to Mercy Southwest Emergency Room in Bakersfield two days later, still having the pain but they still couldn't find the baby on the ultrasound. I was like...WHAT?! My blood levels, however, showed that my pregnancy was viable and growing. So, there was a baby, but we couldn't find it! lol I was still having the pain and thought for sure I was dying. I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to have His way and to give me the strength to endure the trial. I was so amazed at the complete saturation of His presence I experienced when it was all happening and I was sure that He was working miracles. The next few days I continued to have the pain, but then had a new symptom. Hope not to gross you out, but I was starting to pee blood. And it HURT! lol Back to the ER. Still couldn't find my baby, but my pregnancy hormone had gone from 60 to 720 by then, so that baby was growin' away! They put me on antibiotics and said I had a horrible bladder infection. (I'm convinced I was passing a series of kidney stones, but that's just me:) ) What a crazy experience. The kicker?! Two weeks before I left for California God showed me in my heart in the way only He can that something was going to happen on this trip. (I immediately assumed my return flight was going to crash into a million pieces. I have problems lol) I really thought I was going to die in California somehow, so you could imagine when I was starting to have the pain where my mind went. I was ok with it, but I think no matter what there's always this sense of nervousness and frailty when it comes to our mortality. It was scary, but Jesus was with me the whole time. NEVER thought I was going to find out I was pregnant. When I came home I immediately scheduled a dr apt and got an ultra sound and there was my baby...in the right spot, with a heart beat! I cried. Then, our last appointment we got to hear the heart beat. I am so thankful to God for it all. Throughout the whole thing in Cali it was pretty much assumed that I was going to lose the baby, or had already lost it....but one night when I was worshipping the Lord I had a vision of a nurse handing me a baby all bundled up. I was so thankful! My very own glow worm! lol I don't know what will happen and I am still in a very risky state of pregnancy, but I trust the Lord that no matter what happens that this baby belongs to Him alone. He will do with His child what He will, and I am confident it will be good.

It's Overwhelming

“The more I seek You, the more I find You. The more I find You, the more I love You!…I melt in Your peace..it’s overwhelming.” No one is like my Jesus. He is mine, and I am His. No matter what life has around the corner, there is something amazing about knowing that the Lord knows it all from beginning to end. I don’t have to be afraid, even of the darkest days of my life because I know the Lord has me and I can get through anything with Him. Going through life there are some curve-balls, tragedies, scary things and things that bring tons of joy, but when you look back on all those things you can see that the whole time you were in His arms and He has never ever let you go. I’ve learned more about the heart and character of God from the difficulties He has lead me through, rather than the times of ease. He really does love us, even though we often don’t really understand His love. It’s overwhelming.