Blah Blah Bloggin'

So, clearly I'm not a very consistent blogger, but I have good intentions. I've started 5 blogs since my last one but some where in the middle of them got struck with my new friend called pregnancy narcolepsy. Can't seem to keep my eyes open for more than a couple hours at a time and while I LOVE sleeping I can't help but find it annoying when I'm in the middle of "important" tasks and feel the need to lay down. (ie, doing dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, driving, etc.) Yikes! All a part of the wonderful enigma that is pregnancy, I'm sure. I enjoy the idea of being pregnant. However, the actual being pregnant is quite a bit different than I expected. For example, lets take my beloved companions called bowel distention, insomnia (ironically paired with my previously mentioned buddy of spontaneous napping), and frequent trips to the loo. For some reason all of my beautiful, glowing, previously pregnant mommy friends left out these joyous little pregnancy partners. :) Oh well! Like I said, I enjoy the idea of being pregnant.

Funny thing happened on Christmas morning. My mom had sent us some presents in the mail that we decided to open over Skype in order to get the "real" Christmas morning effect. She sent two packages, aside from the others. One package was labeled "Flick" and the other "Flicka." (We have decided not to find out the sex of the baby until the baby is born so as to enjoy the natural suspense of it all. We're like that.) Upon opening the presents I found three little boy onesies and two little girl outfits. Contrary to my expectation, I nearly passed out cold. Why? Good question. Until then I guess it hadn't quite sunk in that I was going to be a mom. You'd think the morning sickness and repeated ultrasounds would've clued me in by now. Nope. It was the extra laundry! HA! Holding those tiny little clothes and thinking how there's going to be a baby in them soon really knocked me for a loop. A MOM!? What in the world is going on here? I'm still a kid myself! How the heck can I raise a kid! I can't even keep up on the dishes, or the laundry, or the vacuuming! Holy cow. I just stared at the clothes, then at the computer, then back at the clothes. I felt so bad but I couldn't do much, what with the blood rushing out of my face. Oh geeze. How the heck am I going to pull this one off?! The next day Donnie and I decided to drive to the beach. It's been super sunny and beautiful here in the Pacific Northwest and since Donnie had 3 days off we decided to take advantage of it. On the way there I was quietly praying, casting my cares on Him because He cares for me. Then that still, small voice showed up. I LOVE it when He shows up! He quietly whispered in my ear, "Stay close to Me and it will all be ok." Wow. That really made me feel so much better knowing that all I have to do is stay close to Jesus and He will take care of everything. He's the Master Builder and I am His master plan. We know this baby belongs to Him and find comfort in knowing that He will equip us with everything we need to take care of him/her. Yay! Thank you Lord! Luckily, the Lord knows how much of a worry wart I can be and is always there to comfort my anxieties. Psalm 138.8. So, all in all it was a great Christmas!

Surprise, Bitter-Sweet Blessing

Here is a copy of an email I sent to a friend recently. It explains everything:)
Ok, here goes. I was in California from November 3-18. On the 4th I got such excruciating pain in my lower abdomen I really thought I was dying, Alyssa. I was in Santa Barbara at the time. The house on the ranch is pretty big and I was alone on the other side...had to crawl all the way across the house to get to Christine's room (Donnie's dad's girlfriend who helped me take care of grandma the last few months of her life) and bang on her door. It was about 1:30am. The pain subsided and I finally went back to sleep. It was still happening on the 6th when I got a phone call from Kay because we were planning on spending some time together while I was in Cali. I told her what was happening and she prayed over me. It was amazing because she prayed in the Spirit that God would fill my body with life. The next day I went to the Emergency Room and found out that I was barely...BARELY pregnant! (I must have conceived a week or so before leaving) After calling Donnie (of course) and the appropriate family members I called Kay. She was like, "WHOA!" and told me that after she prayed for me she had this crazy, deep sense that God had just done something amazing. After we had prayed the day before we sat on the phone completely silent together just soaking it up for a few minutes. God had done something awesome!
Anyway, the doctors were really worried that I had an ectopic pregnancy and was bleeding internally but since I was so early they couldn't find the baby on the ultrasound. They sent me home with pain medication and told me to go to my doctor or go back to the ER for more bloodwork to see if the pregnancy was advancing, or had died. I went to Mercy Southwest Emergency Room in Bakersfield two days later, still having the pain but they still couldn't find the baby on the ultrasound. I was like...WHAT?! My blood levels, however, showed that my pregnancy was viable and growing. So, there was a baby, but we couldn't find it! lol I was still having the pain and thought for sure I was dying. I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to have His way and to give me the strength to endure the trial. I was so amazed at the complete saturation of His presence I experienced when it was all happening and I was sure that He was working miracles. The next few days I continued to have the pain, but then had a new symptom. Hope not to gross you out, but I was starting to pee blood. And it HURT! lol Back to the ER. Still couldn't find my baby, but my pregnancy hormone had gone from 60 to 720 by then, so that baby was growin' away! They put me on antibiotics and said I had a horrible bladder infection. (I'm convinced I was passing a series of kidney stones, but that's just me:) ) What a crazy experience. The kicker?! Two weeks before I left for California God showed me in my heart in the way only He can that something was going to happen on this trip. (I immediately assumed my return flight was going to crash into a million pieces. I have problems lol) I really thought I was going to die in California somehow, so you could imagine when I was starting to have the pain where my mind went. I was ok with it, but I think no matter what there's always this sense of nervousness and frailty when it comes to our mortality. It was scary, but Jesus was with me the whole time. NEVER thought I was going to find out I was pregnant. When I came home I immediately scheduled a dr apt and got an ultra sound and there was my baby...in the right spot, with a heart beat! I cried. Then, our last appointment we got to hear the heart beat. I am so thankful to God for it all. Throughout the whole thing in Cali it was pretty much assumed that I was going to lose the baby, or had already lost it....but one night when I was worshipping the Lord I had a vision of a nurse handing me a baby all bundled up. I was so thankful! My very own glow worm! lol I don't know what will happen and I am still in a very risky state of pregnancy, but I trust the Lord that no matter what happens that this baby belongs to Him alone. He will do with His child what He will, and I am confident it will be good.